For me, learning how to say “yes” to going on dates is also learning how to say “no” to relationships. That’s never come easy to me. My very first night at college I met a cute girl. We stayed up late flirting and drinking whiskey and then she gave me a killer blowjob before bed. We continued to see each other for the next few weeks but it was clear to me that something was off. Looking back I probably should have at the very least expressed my concerns and set better boundaries, and in an ideal world I would have dropped out of school and moved at least 100 miles away from her. But instead I stuck it out for two glorious years and bottled my resentment deep down inside. Twelve years later, I wish I could say I’ve totally moved passed this tendency, but it’s still a work in progress.
After two months on OK Cupid I finally went on my first date. It was nice. The conversation was nice. She was nice. She seemed fun and stable and cute and open.
But I didn’t feel anything: no excitement, no curiosity, and no wild impulses to smell her hair or bite her ass. I’m supposed to feel something, right? Am I so jaded that I can’t feel anymore? Am I over love and sex? Does my 30th birthday mark the end of all things romantic, forever? Should I except my robotic fate and invest in a pair of Google Glasses?
And then I remembered that it’s ok to go on dates and not fall in love or move in together and pretend you don’t hate each other. It’s ok to go on dates and not feel anything. It’s ok, and it’s normal. And it makes the special feelings you have towards people feel, well… special.
So now I get to actually put this into practice and honestly and compassionately express what I’m feeling. I get to treat her like an adult who can handle her shit. I don’t have to tiptoe around like she’s going to morph into a fire breathing dragon as soon I don’t give her what she wants. And that makes me feel warm and happy…I guess do have some feelings left after all: the robots and Google glasses will have to wait a little longer to absorb me into the techno-sphere.
Sex with Dinner 